| Willow House Frequently Asked Questions: Q: Is my child's behavior normal?
A: This is one of the most difficult parenting issues you will face - differentiating between bereavement behavior and normal developmental issues. It is important to always make available to the child the possibility that their behavior may be related to their grief. Keep the communication regarding their grief open and flowing both ways. Talking lessens the need to act out. If a child is acting out against family rules, even if the acting out is grief-related, it is imperative that the family rules remain intact. Support groups are very helpful in these situations as they provide the opportunity to learn from others who have already faced these challenges. Q: Will my children be ruined for life because of this death?
A: Your children will not be ruined, but they will be affected. Detrimentally? Not necessarily. As long as they are nurtured, supported and given the opportunity to express their feelings, they will integrate the death into their life experience. Q: What is the most helpful thing I can do for my kids right now?
A: Read (see the suggested reading list), get support for yourself, get professional guidance if you need it and be supportive of their grief experience. Q: How do we know if we need professional help?
A: Grieving is a normal and natural response to a horrific event in your life. There are times when circumstances may leave one vulnerable to a more complicated grieving process. In these situations, one may benefit from professional support. You may want to consider seeking a professional assessment of whether or not you or members of your family need ongoing professional help. The following may be used as guidelines in determining whether or not to seek professional support: - If you are overwhelmed by your grief-related feelings, i.e., if you are unable to return to your normal day-to-day activities, routines and responsibilities after several weeks;
- If your eating and sleeping habits have changed considerably and if you have any specific health concerns;
- If you are suddenly a single parent or caregiver to a bereaved child and struggling to determine if change in the child's behavior is grief-related or part of their normal development.
- When seeking a professional assessment or professional support, it is imperative that you see a professional who has experience working with the bereaved. A professional should be willing to share examples of the cases they have had that would indicate their ability to provide adequate services to you.
Q: What is the difference between a support group and seeing a counseling professional?
A: A counseling professional would be someone who is trained, licensed and experienced in grief work. A professional is not necessary for everyone who has experienced the death of a loved one, but may be helpful to those who are experiencing a more complicated grieving process.
A peer support group provides mutual support among individuals who share the experience of having had a loved one die. In a support group setting, the members benefit from one another's sharing. It is especially helpful to have your feelings affirmed and to gain insights from others in coping with grief-related issues. The ideal support group is facilitated by a trained facilitator. Q: What happens at Willow House meetings?
A: We meet monthly and begin with a casual pizza dinner. We then gather as a large group and briefly share who we are and who has died. Then we break into smaller groups. The adults are divided into groups based on the type of death: spouse or child. The children's groups are determined by age rather than the type of death they have experienced. All groups are led by trained facilitators who are either mental health professionals or bereaved individuals. The children's groups are usually structured around an activity designed to open up possibilities for discussion and support related to the death of the loved one. Q: When am I going to get over this?
A: You don't get over it, you get through it. It is a lifelong experience, but it will become less painful and less overwhelming. It will become integrated into who you are. Q: Is it possible for my very young child to even know what has happened or be affected by it?
A: If a child is old enough to feel love, they are old enough to feel the loss of that love. Children grieve developmentally. When cognitive skills and tools kick in, the child may grieve years later with those new skills.
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